President Donald Trump on Wednesday said he “will not even consider” renaming military bases like Fort Hood or Fort Bragg. But perhaps it is still worth considering the possibilities of offering recruits more truth in advertising via modern names. The following suggestions were sent in to us at The Federalist as potential solutions for this thorny problem:

Fort I Just Wanted Tuition Assistance

Fort 100% Promotion Rate

Fort 24% Interest Rate On A Camaro

Fort Distract Everyone With New Uniforms

Fort We’ve Been Using The Same Small Arms For Fifty Years But The Navy Needs A New Carrier

Fort Don’t Want To Repeat Vietnam So Let’s Repeat Vietnam

Fort Tommy Franks Was An Idiot

Fort Bush Should Have Mined The Passages To Pakistan From Tora Bora

Fort Worthless Training Exercise

Fort VA Disability Claims

Fort Your Parts For Your Humvee Will Arrive In 6 Months

Fort Paula Broadwell’s Push Up Regimen Is Very Hard

Fort Act Like We Have Something To Train For, Then Do Equipment Inventories Instead

Fort Why Do Sergeant Majors Even Exist

Fort The General Is Getting A Sweet Gig With Lockheed Next Month

Fort Always Ready, At 40% Of Authorized Strength

Fort Unsustainable Cash Hemorrhage

Fort Two Advil Should Fix That Right Up

Fort PFC Numbnuts Married That Chick He Just Met Last Friday

Fort Fix PTSD On Your Own Time

Fort 35 Year Old Private With 6 Kids

Fort Are We Really Changing Uniforms Again?

Fort No, Seriously, Tommy Franks Really Blew It

Fort No That’s The Wrong Form Come Back Monday When We Are Closed